Think your relationship is a failure because you and your partner aren’t following certain “rules” or meeting certain standards? Dr. Phil blows the whistle on 10 of the most common but dangerous relationship myths.

MYTH #1: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS ON A GREAT MEETING OF THE MINDS

* You will never see things through your partner’s eyes because you are two entirely different people. You are genetically, physiologically, psychologically and historically different.
* You will not solve your relationship problems by becoming more alike in your thinking. Men and women are wired differently. Attempting to blur your fundamentally different viewpoints is unnatural and even dangerous.
* Recognize that a relationship is far more enjoyable when you’re with someone who enriches your life, not simply reflects it. Appreciate your differences.

MYTH #2: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES A GREAT ROMANCE

* Yes, your life with your partner should include plenty of romance. But don’t kid yourself and expect an unrealistic Hollywood fairytale. The truth is that in the real world, being in love is not like falling in love.
* Falling in love is only the first stage of love. It’s impossible to remain in that stage. A mature relationship will shift from dizzying infatuation to a deeper, more secure love.
* Don’t make the common mistake of thinking that when the initial wild passion fades you aren’t in love anymore. The answer is not to start a new relationship so you can recapture that emotional high with someone else. The answer is to learn how to move on to the next stages of love for a different but richer experience.

MYTH #3: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES GREAT PROBLEM-SOLVING

* Don’t fall into the trap of believing that you and your partner can’t be happy if you can’t resolve your serious disagreements. Ninety percent of problems in a relationship are not solvable.
* There are things that you and your partner disagree about and will continue to disagree about. Why can’t you once and for all resolve these issues? Because in order to do so, one of you would have to sacrifice your values and beliefs.
* You can simply agree to disagree and reach “emotional closure” even though you haven’t reached closure on the issue.

MYTH #4: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES COMMON INTERESTS THAT BOND YOU TOGETHER FOREVER

* There is nothing wrong with your relationship if you don’t share common interests and activities.
* If you and your partner are forcing yourselves to engage in common activities but the results are stress, tension and conflict, don’t do it!

MYTH #5: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP IS A PEACEFUL ONE

* Don’t be afraid to argue because you think it’s a sign of weakness or relationship breakdown. Even the healthiest couples argue.
* If approached properly, arguing can actually help the relationship by (a) releasing tension and (b) instilling the sense of peace and trust that comes from knowing you can release feelings without being abandoned or humiliated.
* Instead of worrying about how many times you argue, worry about how you argue. Here are some guidelines:

o Don’t abandon the issue and attack the worth of your partner during an argument.
o Don’t seek conflict because it’s stimulating.
o Don’t pursue a take-no-prisoners approach in your arguments.
o Don’t avoid achieving emotional closure at the end of an argument.

MYTH #6: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP LETS YOU VENT ALL YOUR FEELINGS

* Getting things off your chest might feel good, but when you blurt something out in the heat of the moment, you risk damaging your relationship permanently. Many relationships are destroyed when one partner can’t forgive something that was said during uncensored venting.
* Before you say something you might regret, bite your tongue and give yourself a moment to consider how you really feel. The things we say while we’re letting loose often don’t represent how we really feel and shouldn’t be communicated — especially if they are potentially destructive.

MYTH #7: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX

* The belief that sex is not important is a dangerous and intimacy-eroding myth. Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, vulnerability and sharing with our partners.
* Sex might not be everything but it registers higher (90 percent) on the “importance scale” if it’s a source of frustration in your relationship. If your sex life is unfulfilled, it becomes a gigantic issue. On the other hand, couples that have satisfying sex lives rate sex at only 10 percent on the “importance scale.”
* Don’t restrict your thinking by considering sex to be something that only consists of the actual physical act. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which you provide physical comfort to your partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.

MYTH #8: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP CANNOT SURVIVE A FLAWED PARTNER

* Nobody’s perfect. As long as your partner’s quirks are non-abusive and non-destructive, you can learn to live with them.
* Instead of focusing on your partner’s shortcomings, remember the qualities that attracted you in the first place. Perhaps some of these idiosyncrasies were part of the attraction? Just because a behavior isn’t mainstream, doesn’t mean that it’s toxic to the relationship.
* Be careful to distinguish the difference between a partner with quirks and one with a serious problem. Serious problems that are destructive and abusive include substance abuse and mental/physical abuse. Unlike idiosyncrasies, these are not behaviors you should learn to live with.

MYTH #9: THERE IS A RIGHT WAY AND A WRONG WAY TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP GREAT

* Nothing could be further from the truth. There is no definitive “right way” to be a good spouse, good parent, or to handle any relationship challenge that life throws you.
* Do what works for you rather than following some standards you might have read in a book or heard from a well-meaning friend. If what you and your partner are doing is generating the results you want, stick with it. If both of you are comfortable with the principles that work, you can write your own rules.
* Remember not to be rigid about the way in which you accept your partner’s expressions of love. There is no “right way” for someone to love you. The fact that your partner expresses feelings differently doesn’t make those feelings less genuine or of less value.

MYTH #10: YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN BECOME GREAT ONLY WHEN YOU STRAIGHTEN YOUR PARTNER OUT

* Don’t fall into the trap of believing that if you could change your partner, your relationship would be better. You are, at the very least, jointly accountable for the relationship.
* Let go of the childlike notion that falling in love means finding someone who will be responsible for your happiness. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness.
* If your relationship is distressed, the most important person for you to change might be yourself. Once you identify the payoffs you are subconsciously seeking with destructive behavior, you can choose to remove them from your life.

After I was finished my panic, I looked ahead to see Kim. By herself. There are 2 things going through my mind right now. What do I say and how do I walk towards her? Should I put on my limp walk or should I walk like a gentleman? What would she think of me if I walked with my hands in my pockets?

OK, my mind’s out of control. I just have to walk up and start a conversation. How hard could that be? I slowly walked up to her, only looking at her beautiful curvacious figure. She’s definitely petite, but she’s the kind of petite that you could live with if you know what I mean. As my eyes traced her body, our eyes met. 

You might think this is a beautiful way for your eyes to meet, but I thought of it from her perspective. Yet another thing I learned from my dad. If I had a guy tracing me with his eyes, jaws dropped, the first thing I would do is walk away. 

On the contrary. She gave me a small smirk. Her dimples were enough to light up my heart, and her teeth were enough to light up New York city. I finally did it. I managed to approach her.

“Hello there beautiful.” I said in my attempt at a deep voice.

“Aww thank you, hello to you Kavin.”

Wow. She knows my name. Maybe the books were wrong, maybe she is the one. Maybe she’s willing to go out on a date with me. Wait, what am I thinking? A girl of her stature going on a date with me? Unfathomable. But maybe Kim likes the nice guy attitude. Maybe she does like scrawny 5′8 men who don’t brush their hair. The more I thought of uncertainties, the dizzier I got.

“Kavin, are you alright?”

“Oh yeah, I’m totally fine, just a little dizzy, that’s all.”

“Oh do you want a Tylenol? I have some in my bag.”

She’s the girl of my dreams, no doubt about it.

“Sure, I’ll take one.” 

As she handed me the pill, our fingers brushed. My hand almost went out of control out of excitement. Wow, I am pathetic aren’t I. Getting excited over a little hand brush. I have to get myself in check. As I swallowed the pill, I felt instant relief.

“Wow, I feel better already!”

Maybe it was the Tylenol, maybe it was just the excitement of being close to her.

“Oh, it’s the new fast dissolving gel pills they sell.”

Maybe it was the Tylenol.

“Oh, I have to repay you somehow Kim.”

I don’t know what was going through my mind at the time, but a whole well of feelings started to come out. I had never been this close to a girl I liked and I felt like I would never be this close again. Before I could even think, the words slithered out of my mouth like a decisive snake.

“Do you want to go watch a movie sometime Kim?”

I was in shock. I can’t believe I just said it. We barely even know each other. It just, slipped out of my mouth. I want to say that, I want to say it’s a joke but if I retract the statement, what chance would there ever be of saying it again? This was it. I had just taken accidental action and now I must take accidental responsibility for it.

“Sure! I’ve been wanting to watch Watchmen for sometime now. Maybe you can get your friends and I can get mine? It’d be nice to go as a group.”

Saved. I was saved. She misunderstood me. I was saved. She thinks it’s a group thing. I’m saved. I can’t believe how saved I am. Uh oh. The broken record syndrome is happening again, I’m starting to repeat myself. Yet ANOTHER trait from my dad.

“Sure thing Kim, I’ll check out the movie times later tonight. Do you want to give me your number so I can tell you the times tonight?”

“Sure thing. My number is 457-901-1292″

Even her numbers sound sensual.

“Alright, call you tonight.” I said.

Wait a minute. Did I just get Kim’s number? I just got Kim’s number. Without even trying or giving it a second thought, Kim just gave me her number. God is truly on my side today. I could use this as an opportunity to bring up another conversation with her. Who can honestly say that they got Kim’s number on their first try? I can.

This new chapter of Naruto really enlightened me to a new way of thinking when it comes to achieving true peace.

First of all, what is true peace? I may not speak for everyone, but a definite element of true peace must be the halt of all wars and hate. This may be a little extreme but it’s what mankind wants consciously. Our subconscious may disagree though.

Our history is riddled with many instances of war. Some gigantic wars such as WWI and WWII, some wars fought without violence such as the Cold War and some smaller instances of war that are happening right now that we don’t know about.

We can all agree that war is a continuous cycle in the history of mankind. Why does war exist and what does war accomplish though? Justice? Hardly. Millions are slaughtered over matters that may have been dealt with differently. That’s hardly justice. The other reason is to fight over ownership of something. This may or may not be physical though. This can switch from pride to oil to gold to slaves. Whatever the case may be, war is most often fought for the ownership of something. Wouldn’t war just be selfish and repetitive then?

Picture yourself in a warmonger’s shoes: your people are slaughtered day in and day out for the sake of gaining something of value for yourself.

How would we go about solving this problem?

First of all, we have to realize that it is human nature to have war and hate. There is no doubting that. There is always a polar opposite existing in the world. For as long as there is peace, there is war and vice versa.

What we may not realize is that our fight for our own peace may be putting another person’s peace in jeopardy. The US is now having a war in Iran and innocent people are being killed daily on both sides. Both sides are experiencing this pain but is there enough to convince people that doing this is wrong? A soldier on the battlefield may think so, but who’s the one that gives them the command in the first place? Most of the time, it’s a person who’s never experienced war.

So where do we go from here?

Like I said, everyone is aware of the previous wars and some of the current wars. Knowing is never enough though. We can preach and protest all we want about ending war, but until we experience the pains of war, the pain of losing someone, we can never stop it.

In essence, for the world to achieve true peace at least temporarily, everyone in the world would have to either be inspired to stop war or feel enough of the pain of war to stop them by sheer fear. The latter can be the quick solution but it can also be the most painful. The question here is, would the world accept a massive amount of global pain to add peace to the cycle of war in future generations or should we go about leaving things the way they are now? It’s a tough decision that no one wants to face but may be necessary. Of course, all of the peace will only be withheld temporarily and the cycle of war will start again, but as long as that massive pain keeps coming back to teach people not to have wars, then we can add peace to the cycle of revenge and war.

People learn through fear or inspiration. Would you acknowledge global and equal fear if you knew it meant adding peace to the cycle of hatred?